winter is coming
it's right around
the corner
my 70th year is
also right around
the corner

the one
that is the winter
I approach
with some
degree
of dread

but the other even with
my disablities
even with the pain
I'm looking forward to
with anticipation
with renewed optimism

I have weathered
both many winters
and many years
but the winter
I still dread
but not the years

there are still
things to learn
wisdom to be gained
maybe also
wisdom and learning
to be shared

so I'll bundle up
I will face the winter
again, with dread
but the birthday
I will look forward to
with anticipation

Thanksgiving

not what it was

not what it's become

certainly not what was intended

It has  become a day when we stuff

ourselves at the dining table

and then coward around the TV

to  watch NFL football

most don't give thanks

it's just a day to relax

eat til we burst

and wait for "Black Friday"

and all the sales

in the big box stores

shopping for Christmas

and braving the crowds of shoppers

Christmas

not what it was

not what it's become

certainly not what was intended

winter is upon me
both by season
and by my age
and quite frankly
in my opinion
both have come too soon
of course there
is little I can do
about either
I suppose
I could
move to a warm climate
but I am fine here
after almost 70 years
I'm used to the weather
as to the winter
of my life
this I can do nothing about
Except to enjoy
to live what
I have left

besides
it beats
the alternative

Yesterdays

at my age 

far too many

tomorrows

at my age 

maybe not enough

but where do i place my focus

yesterdays

or tomorrows

both have their allure

yesterdays have old memories

both triumphs and defeats

but tomorrows

ah tomorrows

the future awaits 

but then me thinks

I shouldn't live 

in yesterdays

nor should I live

for tomorrow

what might never be

all I really have is

today

and that should be enough

at my age
memories
both old and new
flow over my mind

when I was younger
it was more like
a small lake
or even a mud puddle

but as i get older
it's a flood
whether the Niagara falls
or a whirlpool in the ocean

I can't tell
but one thing I know
some memories sink to the bottom
never to be remembered again

and others
some old, some recent
keep popping up
like a buoy

refusing to be forgoten
a mixed bag
some bringing joy
fond memories

but others
memories I'd love to forget
but all reminders of
the life I've lived

but the joy
the sorrows
the regrets
and even the silliness

they all formed
the person
I am today
the bonus is I survived

Yesterday
at my age
many yesterdays

at times yesterday
seems far more real
then today

certainly more real
then tomorrow
I sometimes think

as I age
i tend to reflect
on the past way too much

but then
I give myself
a swift kick in the butt

life is not about the past
it's about today
and tomorrow

choices,all life really is nothing
but a series of choices
we've all made good ones
we've all made bad ones
but we've all made choices
that weren't choices at all

sometimes despite many choices
there are none that we can accept
whether it's for ethical
religious or logical concerns
there is no acceptable choice
and there is the rub

sometimes,
I chose not to choose
and I accept the results
of my failure to choose
I accept the consequences
rather then sacrifice my beliefs......

life is what life is
we can try our best to understand
we can try our best to control
we can try our best to shape it to our advantange
but for all our attempts at control
life is what life is

regardless of what we want out of life
life is what life is

despite our grand plans for our life
life is what life is

truth be told
life doesn't give us what life will
life gives us what we deserve
if our life doesn't work out the way we intended
don't blame life
blame..........???????????

Timing
Timing can be
a cruel master
but not just timing
you can be
in the right place
at the right time but
there can always be
other factors

there was a girl
a good friend
despite that some
would have thought
we would or were
an odd couple
and perhaps
we were probably were
but the sparks

the sparks
maybe the first time
I felt that way
but we were young
and because of
religious differences
both sets
of parents
would never approve

we understood
we hated it
but we understood
despite the attraction
we both walked away
despite the pain
I convinced myself
it was not for the best
but the only logical choice

I'd sometimes tell myself
it was the only choice
told myself that for
50 plus years but now
I still wonder was it
but that's the one thing about time
we can't go back
we can't change what could have been
and all of our  decisions   ....

for bad or worse
or even neutral
have lead me
to where I am
today
if I'd could go back
if i could make the other choice
but I can't
and frankly I won't