Yesterdays

at my age 

far too many

tomorrows

at my age 

maybe not enough

but where do i place my focus

yesterdays

or tomorrows

both have their allure

yesterdays have old memories

both triumphs and defeats

but tomorrows

ah tomorrows

the future awaits 

but then me thinks

I shouldn't live 

in yesterdays

nor should I live

for tomorrow

what might never be

all I really have is

today

and that should be enough

at my age
memories
both old and new
flow over my mind

when I was younger
it was more like
a small lake
or even a mud puddle

but as i get older
it's a flood
whether the Niagara falls
or a whirlpool in the ocean

I can't tell
but one thing I know
some memories sink to the bottom
never to be remembered again

and others
some old, some recent
keep popping up
like a buoy

refusing to be forgoten
a mixed bag
some bringing joy
fond memories

but others
memories I'd love to forget
but all reminders of
the life I've lived

but the joy
the sorrows
the regrets
and even the silliness

they all formed
the person
I am today
the bonus is I survived

Yesterday
at my age
many yesterdays

at times yesterday
seems far more real
then today

certainly more real
then tomorrow
I sometimes think

as I age
i tend to reflect
on the past way too much

but then
I give myself
a swift kick in the butt

life is not about the past
it's about today
and tomorrow

choices,all life really is nothing
but a series of choices
we've all made good ones
we've all made bad ones
but we've all made choices
that weren't choices at all

sometimes despite many choices
there are none that we can accept
whether it's for ethical
religious or logical concerns
there is no acceptable choice
and there is the rub

sometimes,
I chose not to choose
and I accept the results
of my failure to choose
I accept the consequences
rather then sacrifice my beliefs......

life is what life is
we can try our best to understand
we can try our best to control
we can try our best to shape it to our advantange
but for all our attempts at control
life is what life is

regardless of what we want out of life
life is what life is

despite our grand plans for our life
life is what life is

truth be told
life doesn't give us what life will
life gives us what we deserve
if our life doesn't work out the way we intended
don't blame life
blame..........???????????

Timing
Timing can be
a cruel master
but not just timing
you can be
in the right place
at the right time but
there can always be
other factors

there was a girl
a good friend
despite that some
would have thought
we would or were
an odd couple
and perhaps
we were probably were
but the sparks

the sparks
maybe the first time
I felt that way
but we were young
and because of
religious differences
both sets
of parents
would never approve

we understood
we hated it
but we understood
despite the attraction
we both walked away
despite the pain
I convinced myself
it was not for the best
but the only logical choice

I'd sometimes tell myself
it was the only choice
told myself that for
50 plus years but now
I still wonder was it
but that's the one thing about time
we can't go back
we can't change what could have been
and all of our  decisions   ....

for bad or worse
or even neutral
have lead me
to where I am
today
if I'd could go back
if i could make the other choice
but I can't
and frankly I won't

the past invades
my thoughts today
if true be told
as i grow older
that invasion
become....well more
common place

at times the
past becomes more
prevalent in my
mind then the
events of the
current
day

at times it causes a problem
but some times i
forget what i did
15 minutes ago
but remember events
from up to
60 years ago

But then i realize
those lessons learned
those many years ago
the victories
the failures
have made me
who I am today

it's getting late
both literally
and figuratively
it's near midnight
both in normal
Eastern Daylight Time
and my chronological age

neither time
can i do
much about
real time will
go on
and on
and on

my time
my life here on earth
my doctor thinks
i can make changes
change my diet
but at best
he's guessing

my time here
is limitated  and unfortunately
not under anyone's control
not even mine
best that is left
is to do every day
what is right, is true

took a short walk
no place i needed to go
no pressing issues
nothing to buy
just a walk

however
warm spring day
grass turning green
much preferred
from its winter brown

trees budding
song birds singing
Seagulls flying
singing their "song"
and dumpster diving

a fat woodchuck
fleeing
leaving his morning
grass meal
at the sight of me

but in retrospect
although i didn't
know it at the time
there was a reason for my walk
pure whimsy, pure joy......