Today

This point in time

Was not

The best day

Maybe not the worst

But not the best

A few incidents were nice

Comforting

Even special

But by enlarge

The day

Well

Sucked!

‘Tis winter now

The snow and cold

Invade my bones

Invade my soul

I am a creature

Of heat

Of warmth

Of fair weather

But fate

Chance

And just plain

Poor planning

Has placed me

In a spot

A place

A time

Where weather

Changes

Is seasonal

And for a certain time of the year

Just too dang cold

Despite all the problems

Despite all the pain

Despite all the all…

I find myself in a

Gentle place

Age

And putting up with

All the putting up with

Has taught me to

Disconnect

If I had learned that

Days/months/years ago

I would not have

Had to disconnect

Now

Life is what it is

From the womb

We have no promise of happiness

From the womb

We have no promise of wealth

From the womb

We have no promise of long life

From the womb

We are what we are

We take and give and receive what

We didn’t want

Life is what it is

It sucks

But then

Is there really anything else

A dank

Dreary

Damp

Late fall day

It bothers

Me more

As I get older

Then it once did

But all of the pain

Is not

Simply

Physical

I struggle

With a pain

That

Seeks to overwhelm me

It won’t

Been there

Survived

That

But

This time

Still need

To overcome

I will not do that again

I will never ask again

It’s your loss not mine

Your mistake

Not mine

If you fail to see that

Then your fault

Not mine

But I forgive

I tried to re-connect

And you acted like the error

Was all mine

Okay

I accept the fault

Even if I know the fault is

Yours

I will walk away

With no regrets

But it is your loss

Not mine

I sit here

Waiting

Waiting for the

Purpose of why

I’m here

Why I exist

To reveal

Itself

But I fear that

It has

Come and gone

And I failed to

Recognize

The

Event

Allow me to be

What I am

If not then I will

Hunt you down with dogs

Accept me

And I will accept you

Reject me

And watch your back

So anyways just

Why?

Why am I what I

Am?

And why does what happen to me

Happen?

Life is what it is

Why?

I have many questions

And few answers

Why?

A limerick I’ve tried to write

But can’t get it down or tight

As much as I try

It’s week and dry

I give up, try as I might

I stand in the shower

My head against the wall

15” below the showerhead

Allowing the water

That could boil a lobster

To do it’s healing work

On my traps and back

That have been punished by

Way too much seat time

On the forklift

This week

And hours to come

On the ‘morrow

But the real truth

Is

That as the hot water

Pelts down on my body

The stress and frustration

Of the week

Disappears with the physical

I am one

Body, soul and spirit

When one is in distress

The rest of me follows

Suit

(I realize that this is probably unfinished

That several lines needed to be added

So some reasonable conclusion is

Reached

But at the moment

Those thoughtful

Lines

Escape me )

Time is both

Ethereal

And

Real

The passing of time is

Both

Real and

Unreal

It is at the

Same time

Mundane

And philosophical

And I am way to tired

Way to spent

Mentally, spiritual

And emotionally

To deal with it

Right now

But I

Must

Though thru the gloom

There is still a ray of hope

Though thru the darkest hour

There is still hope

When everything is black and hopeless

There is still a ray of light

Call me a fool

And you’re probably are right

Why

Oh why

Is it?

When I am at my lowest

Physically

It seems that my muses

Are

At their highest level

It seems that when strength evades me

My mind and the spiritual

Are at their

Apex

I will continue

To be

Who I am

I really have

No choice

Change is

Relative

Even if I do

Make

Major changes

In reality

I remain

Who I’ve always been

And to think that

I can be

What I’ve never been

Is ludicrous

In the days of my discontent

In the days of my disbelief

In the days of my sorrow

Misery, and pain

Still a sliver of light

A brief glance of hope

The smallest hint that

Better days are coming

Whether truth or fiction

I do not know

But I hold on to the

Slimmest thread

That tomorrow

Or one of the tomorrows

Will be better

Then today

(A prayer of hope…whether true or out of despair…I do not know)

I sit

At my computer

A fine glass

Of bourbon

Just inches from

My left hand

But my

Mood is

Less then

Good

It should be

All is well

Right now

But the crappy

Workday

Change that

Crappy workdays

Intrudes

And the only thing

To console me

Is the bourbon

And my cats

I truly need

A life

But have not the energy

To reconnect

My ex

Has

Soured me

Why?

Why is it?

That everyone knows

Me

Knows what I am

Knows what I do

Better then I do

And feels free

To instruct me

To scream at me

To call me a fool

When

In truth

They haven’t

Clue one

(pause)

Before you deem

Yourself an expert

In me

Walk a few steps in my shoes

Deal with what

I deal with

Frankly deal with

You

From my perspective

And if you still

Think

You can be me

Better the I can

Then let’s trade

Places

For

A

Day

And let me scream at you…

(hehe)

What is life?

Really

Despite the fact

That I’ve been

In what we call life

For many years

What is it?

Really

The true curse of being human

0f being human

Is being smarter then everyone

You

Deal with

Or simple being more

Arrogant

From my stand point

It’s the first

And from every one

Else’s it’s the

Second

But frankly

Who do you truly believe

Yourself

Or some ignorant fool

(hehe)

(note: obviously I’m in a very strange and distant place this PM)

Tis late

Tis a day when

I

Would have

Forgotten

Dismissed

And moved on to the

Next day

If that was an option

Not the day

Yesterday was

That was

A very nasty

Day

Physically

Today was

A neutral day

I really hate

Neutral

Days

Let me feel something

Positive or

Negative

But days

I feel nothing

Forget about it

Love me, or hate me

For what I am

Leave me or

Be my best friend

Hold me tenderly

Or throw me out

But don’t expect me

To be what I am not

I have been

Reminded

It has been

Reinforced

That the more things

Change

The more they actually remain

The same

Peeps I haven’t seen in

Decades

Are older and grayer but

The same

So much

For the concept

Of

Maturity

I have retreated to a small place tonight

Back to time when responsibility was something

That was what my parents took care off

But wasn’t something I understood…

Sometimes it is necessary for us

To step out of what

Society demands of us

And return to the gentler times

I am in one of the crazy moods

One of those moods that I can’t remove

My body is ready for sleep, repose

But my mind will not accept the fact

If you look

At the world

Through your own eyes

You see

What you want

To see

But if you can

Step aside

For a brief moment

And look through

The eyes of another

A friend or a foe

You may actually

See the world

As it is

I must accept

What age

What diminished

Abilities

Has left me

WHY?

I should be headed to bed

To sleep

To rest

To dream

But the stress

The worries

The pain of the day

Even the joy of the day

Prevent…

It’s late

A little Tchaik 5

On the CD player

I’m tired

Or am I

The body

Is ready for

Sleep

For repose

For the unconscious

Rest

Which we

Call

Sleep

But is the rest of me

Ready for

The weird dreams

For the stiffness

That the

Sleep of

An old man

Brings

I think not

But I must

As the body demands

Condemns

And I do mean condemns

Myself to sleep

As much as I

Regret the side

Effects

I must sleep

Dang

It seems that the order of life

Those things that can be counted on

Are somewhat askew

Winter here is by rote

Cold…very cold

With snow plied as high as the eye can see

But this winter…

Not a winter but an

Extended fall

And my life…

Such as it is…

As askewed as the weather